


I am Virgil Sanders - HIATUS

by ElSandersWrites



Series: The 'I am' Amnesia Series [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Cute, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26447215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElSandersWrites/pseuds/ElSandersWrites
Summary: Virgil doesn't remember anything. He gets easily scared at things - there seems to be a constant mention of being a "Dark Side" - and he has a boyfriend. Yes, a boyfriend: this adorable nerd that can definitely not know that he has no idea what's going on.At least his hoodie is comfy and his room is dark - maybe he could stay there until he starts remembering everything again.-------Book 2 of the "I am" amnesia series - I would recommend reading I am Logan Sanders first so the building plot line makes sense.Main ship is analogical.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Everyone, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: The 'I am' Amnesia Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1866214
Comments: 7
Kudos: 57





	1. I guess I'm here now

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So if you came from 'I am Logan Sanders' welcome to the continuation of the series and if you just found this randomly also welcome. You can go through and read the last book if you want to know how Logan and Virgil got together and a slight explanation of the amnesia or you can just go through and read and if you have questions about why stuff is happening just comment and (if the answer doesn't contain spoilers) I'll answer them.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the book and carry on reading!

"Morning Stormcloud..." I heard a mumble as a door near me opened. I opened my eyes quickly but it seemed to have no effect - I was still in complete darkness. I heard the creak of footsteps and then a small amount of light came in to make me realise I was not blind, just under duvets. I wouldn't dare move though - I had no idea who was speaking to me at this moment. "Virgil?" The voice asked in a confused tone before I felt a mass land beside my legs. I then felt a hand stroke the back of my head. Even through the duvet, I could feel the warmth and subconsciously leant into it slightly - although I was still extremely scared for some reason.

This voice seemed quite nurturing to this Virgil - who I guess is me. Maybe this is Virgil's family member speaking to me - I guess a parent as the voice doesn't sound that youthful. I then heard a soft sigh - definitely like a parent - followed by a very parent-like statement. "Good morning sleepyhead - time to go downstairs and get breakfast."

The duvet was moved to reveal this voice that woke me up. It was an adult, early thirties, semi-rimless framed black glasses, wearing a suit and tie. Maybe he was Virgil's dad that worked some kind of office job - even though the hand attached to me looked very similar to the hand that moved the duvet for me. When I realised I had been staring at this man in confusion for longer than I should I decided to smile and yawn as if I had just woken up.

"You ready to get up yet sleepyhead?"

"No." I said quickly, trying not to act nervous. Hopefully this was a dream and once I closed my eyes again I would be placed in a situation I was more familiar with. I was definitely not ready to escape this warm secure bed and learn any more about this Virgil's day. What if he had siblings? Friends? Or even worse - what if he went to school? But now I could see the body I was using fully I realised that I definitely wasn't school-age - me and this adult looked weirdly similar. We could be the same age, but then he won't be my Dad. It all didn't add up until I spotted a bouquet of purple flowers lying on this man's lap.

"Flowers?" I mumbled, meeting eyes with this man again. He let out a small smirk and chuckle, and suddenly my heart beat quicker than I'd ever imagine it. He stood and gave me the flowers.

"Yes - Roman said I should give them to you as it would be a romantic awakening." You're kidding me right? Romantic? I have someone to be romantic with? As this man stood he kissed my forehead and cupped my cheek. I held it there - my heart beating and my eyes expanding. My mouth was slightly open but in a smile. The petals of the flowers were so soft between my fingers, making me finally look away to admire the flowers.

"Are you sick Virgil?" The man said with complete seriousness in his voice, leaning down. I didn't have a fever or anything but the man stared at me as if I was about to die - so I nodded slowly letting go of his hand. "Oh darling you should have said." The man smiled and placed the flowers on my bedside table, tucking me into bed again. God, he was so hot he didn't need flowers to be romantic. Just looking at him I wanted to cuddle him.

He carried on talking and it was a lie to say my mind didn't wonder. I knew I was as pink as strawberry juice and my smile was bigger than I ever thought I could make it. He was asking me questions but my mind couldn't decode it and I just wanted to smash our lips together.

"LOGAN!" A scream came from outside the door from another voice that I didn't recognise at all. The man flipped his head, his plump lip becoming a smile as he walked to the door and stepped slightly outside. So this romantic partner I had somehow got was called Logan. "CAN I TOUCH YOUR CROFTER'S TO USE IT AS A CUPCAKE FILLING?"

"I better do it for you so you don't use too much!" Logan screamed to this loud voice. He then turned to me and gave me a smile - and I wasn't sure if I could take any more melting. "I'll just let you have a little nap sweetie - call me if you need something or come downstairs if you feel better." And with that he stepped out the room and seemed to relax a little, adjusting his glasses and looking back at me about to shut the door - either forgetting or ignoring that the curtains were wide open and causing half of the sunlight available in the world into the bedroom window. 

"L-Logan?" The name slipped off the tongue with ease, and caused the nerd to smirk at me and pause the door shutting. "Can you get someone to close the curtains - and maybe make me some hot chocolate?"

"Sure thing darling." I expected Logan to come over and kiss my goodbye before letting me sleep, but instead he just smiled softly an shut the door behind him. And then I was alone - in a room I didn't know. I wanted to wake up from this weird dream as I laid back down and closed my eyes, letting out a large breath and staring up at the ceiling. The walls were covered in band posters but my ceiling was a bare grey. Now all I had to do was wait and hope I could act like this Virgil until this weird haze stopped.


	2. I guess I hate the snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets Janus and Patton, and realises that he's going to need to practice pretending.

While I waited I started 'exploring' - getting as much information I could while still lying on the bed to avoid people asking if I felt better. The only thing I could adequately get information from was the iPhone on the desk next to me, with Bluetooth headphones attached and playing some emo/rock playlist on a constant loop. The lock screen was an artistic painting of the angel Lucifer falling from heaven. The passcode was my fingerprint and the home screen was a selfie of me, Logan and two others. Logan and I were further in the back of this photo and looked like we'd rather not be there, not particularly looking at each other and faking a smile for the photo. The person holding the camera was smiling wide, a red scarf around his chest and gold linings around a white shirt. The second person stood next to the camera holder with a soft smile, the smile made Virgil feel warm inside for some reason, but he wore light blue with a grey cardigan.

The door opened suddenly and hit the wall, making me flinch. At the door was a man that wasn't in the picture, a cape swished around his legs and he strode in confidently with a mug in one hand and a bowl in another. He closed the curtains quickly without saying a word leaving us in darkness apart from the hallway light. "You not gonna hiss at me raccoon?" The man laughed, turning around quickly and facing me. I raised an eyebrow before responding with a slow, long hiss.

"Hissssssssssssssssssssssssssss..." I hissed keeping maintained eye contact and staring, keeping the hiss until I was out of breath. The man also looked at me, although confused. I mean he told me to hiss - and now I'm actually hissing he's looking at me like I'm an alien.

"God you're an amalgamation of mental vomit right now." He sighed dramatically and placed a mug on my bedside table beside the flowers along with the bowl that had a cupcake inside. I collapsed on the bed again admiring the mug - black with the purple devil emoji decorating it. "So Logan actually got you flowers... thought I'd never see the day he'd be romantic."

I looked at the man for a moment. Half his body had green scales like deformed birthmarks. He was also fairly dramatic and did mention the flowers - Was this Roman? I guess he had to be - it would make sense that Logan would bring Roman in here to prove the flowers were given to their recipient.

"Uh... Yeah... Thanks Roman..." I faked yawned and turned my head away from the man closing my eyes. The man stifled a laugh behind me.

"I cannot believe you just called me the name of that idiotic drama prince." The man scoffed and his footsteps got further away. I widened my eyes but didn't face the person in my room. I had to pretend to be resting to avoid questions. And it eventually worked as the man approached the door. "Don't be too spoilt today Storm-Sh^t."

Once the door shut I sat up again and turned on the phone. Looking at the home screen again, the mysterious man said Roman was a 'prince' - which fitted the one in the picture holding the camera in red. So now I knew Logan, Roman, and I was Virgil. The only person yet to find out the name of was the one in the light blue t-shirt and grey cardigan.

I was soon intrigued in this phone that apparently was mine. There were photos and videos, although not many. The majority were of Logan doing different things, smiling at the camera excitedly holding candy floss or mid-talking surrounded by stars or museum artefacts. There were a few of Roman too - although they seemed to be taken by him. More were of this mysterious man in blue, always in a soft smile. "Kiddo? Are you still poorly?" A voice chirped causing me to look up. "Oh put the phone down - it would cause a headache."

The mysterious blue shirted guy stood in front of me and took the phone from my hands. "You haven't even touched your Crofter's cupcake! You must be very sick." He switched the phone in my handd for the cupcake which I immediately ate. The man smiled spotting the flowers. "Aww did Logie Bear give those? He's such a romantic when he wants to be..." I sensed a slight sadness in the man's voice followed by a sigh. I smiled slightly though and he smiled back.

"You alright?" I said cautiously, eating the cupcake. The cupcake was full with strawberry jam, a mix of sweet and sour, but all in all delicious. The man smiled seeing me inhale the cupcake before speaking in a cheery childish voice.

"I'm your happy-pappy-Patton - of course I'm alright!" So this cheery dude was Patton. So it was Logan, Roman, Patton and - "I hope Janus wasn't too snarky - he seemed alright this morning but you always seem to wind him up somehow..." That awkward sentence revealed the fifth name I apparently knew. Virgil, Logan, Patton, Roman and Janus. Apart from the obvious rhyme in three of the names they seemed like perfectly normal names. They seemed like totally normal roomates.

"It was all fine Patton... Do I have work today?" Work made sense to me; we weren't living in an utter sh^thole of a house - it all seemed quite furnished actually. Logan was also dressed quite formally although he wore a black and blue hoodie over the top. We all must work as something to keep our lives going but Patton looked at me as if I was some kind of alien. 

"We're not meeting Thomas - especially not when you're like this." Patton immediately became even more concerned and nudged me to lie down while covering me with more blankets. And there wa another name I needed to learn. Was Thomas my boss? Maybe I was a doctor or boss or something and Thomas was a patient - God I hope I wasn't a therapist I have too many mental issues for that. "Have a long nice sleep and I'll cook anything you want for dinner."

If Logan was my Daddy, Patton was definitely my Mom. Still, a little more sleep wouldn't hurt so I eventually closed my eyes and eventually went into a state of half-consciousness.


	3. I guess I do need breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has breakfast, and realises tensions.

Turns out my phone wasn't too interesting. Virgil didn't take that many pictures, or the pictures were of the same people of which he only didn't know one man with a red sash. I wrapped the purple hoodie around my shoulders and took a deep breath before opening the door. It was extremely bright in the rest of the house compared to the bedroom I was stuffed in, making me groan quietly and sigh. I saw a clock, I had been 'sleeping' for a few hours - but I was still in time for brunch. 

"Eeeeeeeeeeemo Nightmare!" A scream erupted from the corridor, followed by stomping footsteps making me flinch and back into the bedroom again. Soon a person appeared in front of me, laughing with a wide smile even though my face showed only confusion. "Did Nerd give you the flowers? He's making breakfast now for you - God I scared the living f^^^ out of him!" He didn't stop talking - blabbering would be better to describe it - But it was definitely the red sash man named Roman. "Oh come on Emo perk up a bit, you're not throwing up are you?" He stepped back remembering I was sick, but still talked. I wanted to tell him to shut up but he was definitely a friend of mine. "Hellooo?" He waved a hand in front of me and laughed until I finally spoke.

"Yeah, yeah, just let me go to my boyfriend Roman..." I mumbled, smirking a little as the extroverted prince finally let me downstairs. I only took a few steps before I suddenly felt my feet lift from the floor and my legs be scooped up. I froze again and stared at who picked me up - Roman.

"Let's goooo!" Roman shouted like the Disney advert - sliding down the stairs gracefully still carrying me bridal style. I became a small ball in Roman's hands petrified I'd be dropped down the stairs. Yet I got down safely and Roman finally threw me on a soft and large sofa. "I GOT YOUR BOYFRIEND LO!"

"Forcefully?" The sophisticated and soothing voice echoed from the kitchen making me smile immediately. I could see him through the gap in the wall cooking, steam fogging up his glasses which he cleaned every few minutes. He eventually turned and walked into the living room with a smirk. "You know he doesn't like leaving his room on good days, I can't imagine the hissing fit he did while he's sick." 

Again with the hissing thing, I've got to get better at that while I'm here.

I got myself comfy on the sofa cushions, making a cocoon in the corner. Logan sat next to me and brushed my hand while Roman blabbered on about his plan for the day. There was still cooking in the kitchen for a few minutes until Patton appeared placing food on the table. 

When Patton called us to breakfast I got to see all the heavenly food this house can make. Logan and Patton made the breakfast together while Roman was tasked with waking me up and Janus sat at the dining room table refusing to take part in any activity. The food was gorgeous; a mix of bacon, fried eggs, baked beans, hash browns and toast. Roman and Logan stole all the toast first, decorating it in a red jam labelled 'Crofters'. I sat down next to Logan and ate, enjoying every single bite.

"Is Thomas visiting today?" Logan chirped, his cheeks expanding like a hamster inhaling all the Crofter's. Patton nodded.

"Yes, for dinner. Why? You want to take Virgil on that date now?"

Date? DATE? Oh my God I have the best boyfriend ever. He's definitely spoiling me in my sickness. I was eating the hash browns quickly because they're delicious, but also wanted to treasure them with my life.

"We can both wait a day, dates aren't the be all and end all - We can just spend time in other ways." Wow he's perfect in every way. I could just stare at his forever and ever and ever...

Janus erupted in laughter next to me making me flinch. "I think Virgil wants to uncover more of the world's secrets than just a few stars!" I immediately went red and looked down, as did Logan. Roman also started giggling and Patton gave a confused look to everyone. 

"I don't get i-"

"Keep it that way Patton." Logan coughed, his blush clearing away as he resumed eating. Patton seemed satisfied with that response and giggled stuffing his face with cinnamon rolls. "But of course Virgil and I can always cuddle in my room if Virgil wants a nap." And with a smirk and a wink I was red again and nodding enthusiastically. That answer was good enough for him as he, and the others, continued eating as normal.

Every so often Janus would lift his head from his pile of Sour Patch Kids cereal and stare at me. His one yellow eye glowed and narrowed, as if he knew something. I tried to act as natural as possible, eating while holding Logan's hand for extra comfort. Logan payed no notice to the hand holding - however Janus did.

"Being affectionate this morning are we Verge?" Janus said, sipping his tea with only his yellow eye facing me. "I think this is more than just a sickness - What did you f^^^ up this time?"

"Give it a break today Janus." Logan immediately snapped. "He's sick - Virgil if you don't want to be here go and eat your breakfast upstairs." Logan picked up my plate, still staring Janus down. Was he commanding me to leave? Were they about to fight? What did I f^^^ up? "I'll join you in a minute."

I slowly nodded and picked up my plate for Logan's hand, walking upstairs in silence. When I reached my room I sat on my bed, eating alone, the only noise being birds chirping outside.

Hopefully every morning wasn't like this.


	4. I guess I shouldn't be affectionate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil feels severe imposter syndrome, but can't stop loving Logan even though he tried.

Everything about this house seemed quite personalised, apart from the upstairs hallway. The living room and kitchen was decorated with furniture, beanbags and chairs with one of each colour corresponding to the colour worn by each of the roommates. The hallway didn't have any furniture, and the walls were a plain beige. The only thing decorated were the doors. There was one covered by red curtains so you couldn't actually see the door, one covered in photos and drawings, another with hand-painted stars, one with a painted snake splitting the door in half and lastly the room I slept in that had band posters covering the door. 

I didn't feel like entering my room yet. I had explored everything in there - If I wanted to find out more I just had to explore other places in the house. The star door seemed the safest, non-threatening, but also seemed like it would have more inside it. 

The door opened with a slight creak and the bottom of the door scraped against the black carpet. It seemed quite dark in the room even though the curtains were open, the light just didn't enter the room completely. It made it seem even more like a little secret yet to be found. The light switch turned on a simple ceiling light, not decorated in any specific way - just a bulb. Two pairs of shoes stood next to the door, some trainers and slippers, with a gap between them for a third pair. The room was clean and smelt of some faint flower you'd find in a laundry detergent. The only defining characteristic was the back wall decorated in bookshelves, the books organised alphabetically creating the only splurge of colour in the entire room. I walked towards the bookshelves to admire the books, each kept in pristine condition even though they had obviously been read a lot by the thousands of bookmarks lost inside them. Maybe one of the books will tell me something about why I'm here...

"Stormy?" A soft voice echoed by the door making me turn quickly. Logan stood there, a smile on his face, walking towards me. "You want to watch a movie together? You could have just told me without sneaking up here." He squeezed my hand as he approached and then walked along the wall. I suppose he maybe didn't like visitors, the room seemed too clean for even him to be a regular user of it. 

"I forgot I had to ask sorry..." I mumbled but I wasn't heard. He continued walking against the wall step by step as if he was a royal in a palace, his hands holding each other behind his back as he kept his eyes on the shelves. He was probably checking I hadn't touched anything - would he hate me for turning the light on? What if he broke up with Virgil over my mistake?

He grabbed a book to read from one of the shelves. At least, that's what I expected he was doing. However when he grabbed the book it didn't release completely, one end seemed attached to the shelf. Once he released it again the self moved forward, and he pulled it and walking through.

I think I'm going mad - So I followed him.

He smiled at me as if nothing happened as he entered a little cubbyhole covered by blankets and pillows. He sat on some blue pillows while I sat on some purple ones. A laptop appeared on Logan's lap from thin air. "What should we watch then honey?"

Yeah I could not process this magic sh^^. I could only stare wondering what would shock me next. "Should I choose?" Soft lips touched my forehead and an arm went around me, calming me immediately as I leant closer to him. He went on Netflix, chose Nightmare Before Christmas with no hesitation and smiled at me. We made eye contact for a second and Logan raised his eyebrow. "You look confused... Still sick?" I nodded, and he stroked my cheek with his finger.

He seemed concentrated on the movie he put in front of me, holding me in his arm and letting me feel his warmth. He was so caring and so attractive... But he wasn't mine. He was Virgil's - and I wasn't Virgil. I was stuck in Virgil's body. I didn't know who I was though, I had no name for myself other than Virgil. 

I didn't realise I had leant away until I heard a mumble next to me. I was stood straight and staring at my hands in thought. I wasn't Virgil, I shouldn't be enjoying this. "Darling - I know you're not usually affectionate like this... I like it!" Logan tried leaning in, but I just coughed and he paused. Virgil wasn't affectionate, therefore, even though I really wanted to cuddle him I couldn't. "Virgil come here..." He tried holding my hand but I didn't let him do it. I wasn't meant to be with him, only Virgil could hold him like I wanted to. "Sweetie? Do you want a nap?" I nodded.

Logan grabbed my furthest shoulder and caused me to lie down on his lap. He took a blanket from the wall and covered me with it, kissing my forehead. It was an addiction, this whole boyfriend business. I knew I shouldn't be affectionate but I felt like I needed to to survive. He was so beautiful. Once I was comfy he looked at the laptop screen again, stroking my cheek softly. 

I couldn't help myself and I sat up and kissed him. He kissed back and held me. I felt sick doing it, as if kissing a boyfriend that wasn't mine. But it gave me such euphoria. When we separated he kept me against him, our chests touching through our shirts while he nuzzled me in his warmth. I definitely didn't want any of this to stop.

I just closed my eyes and let the love surround me. It felt peaceful in his arms. I didn't want to escape, and neither did he as I could feel his face hiding in my neck.


	5. I guess I'm not just a roommate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas visits, and Virgil manages to mess that up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aah OK so the new Sanders Asides oh my God!
> 
> I don't ship Prinxiety that much but even I must admit it's cute to see Roman and Virgil getting on platonically. But yeah in terms of this plot, because this Virgil has no idea he's a Side let alone how to act like Anxiety - The whole shopping centre thing didn't happen in this plot. Thomas did meet Nico but probably another different way like a dating app or something.
> 
> I like to keep my books as canon as possible for you guys' enjoyment anyway - Plus the whole shopping centre scene wouldn't have happened given the current climate in the US.

I woke slowly. Was I back in a situation I remembered? Where I had no boyfriend, I was maybe living alone - to be honest I can't imagine the situation that would make me feel like I actually existed there either. But when I opened my eyes I realised where I was - covered in a fluffy Edward Scissorhands blanket with the laptop in front of me quietly playing a long playlist of Tim Burton movies. 

I was lying on the floor though. Before I fell asleep I was watching A Nightmare Before Christmas with my boyfriend, lying on his lap. Everything else seemed the same; I was in a small room behind a bookcase surrounded by pillows and blankets - but my boyfriend wasn't with me.

Virgil's boyfriend, I should correct myself. 

I looked around confused for a moment, wiping my eyes sleepily. When I looked at the hand I wiped my hand with I was more confused. In all the photos of Virgil in his phone, granted there weren't that many, Virgil wore eyeshadow under his eyes. Most times it was black eyeshadow, but on dates I assumed he jazzed it up a little and wore a light lavender eyeshadow. The hand had caught a little bit of said eyeshadow, it seemed to always be on him without having to reapply. I watched the lavender eyeshadow become black within a few seconds - right in front of my eyes.

Is everything here magic?

I stood with the blanket still around me. I left the small room into Logan's bedroom, he wasn't there. His desk was full of folders, some notes hung up on the wall. The notes were only shopping lists and date ideas - No clues about where he'd gone. He wasn't in the hallway either, so I just leant on the corner of the hall in thought.

"It was about time - Even Logan got a boyfriend before you." I heard Janus' snarky voice echo. I looked around, he wasn't in the hallway. It did start a small murmur of conversation that I followed, walking down the stairs and entering the kitchen. 

"Oh you're finally up kiddo!" Patton cheered. Logan smiled and moved the chair next to him with his foot so I could sit next to him. Patton, Janus, Roman and Logan sat at a table together with a new identical version of them - also smiling at me.

I was staring at the new person while I sat, wide eyed in confusion. Time seemed to pause and everything went silent as I tried to decode this new person. Was he a friend or a roommate? There wasn't another room that would suit this new person - and unlike the others he didn't seem to have a favourite colour. He wore a white t-shirt with a rainbow collar and some plain ripped denim jeans with white trainers. I couldn't figure the reason he was here at all until I heard a soft cough from Logan.

"Honey..." Logan laughed awkwardly, holding my hand and kissing my cheek. "Are you hungry? Do you want some pasta?" Logan served me pasta before I could say anything, so I mumbled a small thank you. "You were saying Thomas?"

'Thomas' nodded slowly. "Uh - yeah... Nico's a good guy! He actually looks a little like you Logan... Seeing you and Virgil so happy together made me want to try dating again." So Thomas is a friend of Logan - I mean Logan wears glasses and Thomas doesn't so they're obviously not the same person. Logan smiled proudly and blushed, and Roman laughed.

"I know Logan has a whole list of dates he wants to take Virgil on - I'm sure you can borrow a few. Of course Logan plans dates to the exact timing and romantic moment." Roman was leaning back and swirling pasta with his fork, smirking at Logan and then laughing again. Logan rolled his eyes and sipped some water.

"I think it's pretty romantic..." I couldn't help smiling, stroking the hand I was still holding. The group silenced and looked at me for a moment, as if waiting for me to say something else, making me shovel the pasta awkwardly.

"No snarky comment? God he is sick!" Thomas laughed. "That's definitely a first."

"Anyway, I'm your beautiful handsome prince in regard to all your romantic endeavours, I will make sure you and Nico get married and have beautiful gender and racially ambiguous children!" Roman cheered, lifting his glass and swinging on his chair as if he just won some sort of victory. "Romance is my purpose - It has me in it!"

Thomas awkwardly laughed. "I was thinking Virgil and Logan might be the best to help actually..."

I couldn't describe the noise of confusion that came from Roman as the feet of his chair slammed on the floor. It made me flinch watching Roman groan, but luckily everyone looked a little confused. "I mean Logan and Virgil are actually in a relationship, and I have a feeling if I bring up marriage and kids after only knowing him for 3 days I don't think it would go well."

Roman crashed his cutlery on the table and stood. People tried to perk up but he ran away before anyone could persuade him to stay. Thomas sighed, nodding to himself. "Well... I thought that would go better."

"Can't you figure it out on your own?" And everyone quickly turned their head at me, but I continued. "We're just your friends - not you."

:"You... Are me Virgil..." Thomas said softly. "You're all my emotions..."

Time stopped again. Everything seemed to zoom out, and I was left with an open mouth and pale. I could only focus on Logan, looking at me concerned and stroking my leg. My eyes were probably begging him to let me escape - they had found me - I wasn't Virgil - Logan would break up with Virgil... I screwed everything up.

Logan realised my fear and stood, holding my hand. He only nodded at the rest of the people around the table before taking me upstairs silently.

I could maybe be screwed right now, and not in the enjoyable way.


	6. I guess I need to trust someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil finally trusts Logan, telling him about his amnesia.

While I was following Logan I thought he'd take me to his room or to mine. I slowed my pace as we approached those rooms but he continued his quick pace. "Roman may be creative enough to make rooms out of thin air - doesn't mean he's any good at it..." Logan mumbled; whether to himself or me I wasn't quite sure. 

We stood at the end of the upstairs corridor together. At first we faced the door with a snake slithering down it making the wooden door yellow on one side. If it was created by Roman he sure had an artistic talent, I couldn't even think of such a design for a simple door. I saw Logan smiling out the corner of my eye, his back facing me while he seemed to easily remove bricks from the wall. Once enough bricks were removed for us to move through he grabbed my hand again and dragged me through the small corridor. 

The small corridor eventually stopped. It was pitch black so the only thing I could sense was Logan's body going up - and up - and up. "Hey! Keep your hands in the polite places!" Logan laughed as I stroked his upper leg; eventually getting past his body and finding a small horizontal rod - it was a ladder.

The ladder lead to a small rooftop area. "Isn't this place pretty?" Logan smiled, the moonlight finally glowing his features up and accentuating his attractiveness. He sat at the edge of the roof, smiling at me as I sat next to him. We stared at the stars for a few minutes, Logan slowly bringing a hand around my shoulders as we sat in silent thought. "Why are you nervous?"

"I'm not!" I almost screamed. He could probably tell my muscles were tense, I was probably close to shaking and most definitely pale.

Logan sighed but didn't seem to push it. He just stroked my arm, no annoyance or anger on his face. He was either really good at hiding it or actually respected my boundaries - It was hard to tell which one. I leaned into the crook of his neck a little, he wasn't mentioning the whole dinner table situation. Maybe Virgil was just like that - jumpy, slightly argumentative, forgetful. Maybe the only reason Logan dragged Virgil away was to spend time with him.

"Let's do some introspection..." Logan said slowly. I lifted my head and looked at him confused - was introspection a sex thing? Logan giggled slightly. "A technique theorised by Wilhelm Wundt but popularised in the 1920s... Say everything that goes through your mind."

There was silence for a minute or two. Logan expected me to speak. "Um... I feel love..." That made Logan smile a little, but he expected more. "I feel like I did when we started dating I guess, there's so much affection and love and caring that it just feels like... Too much."

Logan brought me closer to his chest, still not saying anything. Was that a bad thing? "It's not that I want to break up! I love you more than anything - you're an amazing boyfriend of course!" Logan kissed my forehead. I have a feeling he wasn't going to speak until I addressed the dinner table situation. "I'm... not Virgil." 

We finally met eyes. Logan looked confused, probably begging me to explain, yet his eye contact made me feel comforted. "Who are you then?" He whispered with a slight chuckle; I was unsure about whether he was taking what I was saying seriously.

"I don't know. I'm not your boyfriend, I don't remember you." I expected Logan to be appalled at that sentence and storm off, shouting some obscenity at me and therefore breaking up with Virgil. Instead I saw a small smirk come on Logan's face again as he turned to face me, as if I lightbulb had gone off in his brain.

"Do you remember anything about being Virgil?"

I shook my head. "I learnt some bits from pictures on my phone, but no, I don't."

Logan looked even more excited. "When did it happen?"

"My memory was gone completely this morning - when I woke up."

Logan jumped on me, trapping me in a hug and laughing. I flinched but otherwise stayed still - maybe Virgil would know what on Earth Logan was doing but I had no idea. It was lucky the roof had railings otherwise we would have easily fallen off together. My arms naturally fit around Logan's waist so I put them there while he was still laughing and kissed my cheek. "It happened to you? Oh my God so I wasn't the only target! That makes me feel so much better..."

"Wait you don't remember anything either?" I smiled as Logan and I finally stood up again, Logan sitting on my lap like a small child.

"No it happened before we started dating - and was the reason why we started dating." Logan kissed my cheek. "Forgetfulness makes the heart grow stronger."

"So what do we do now?" I looked up at Logan as he stood, holding his hands and watching his proud smile. 

"Well, we tell the others of course."

My face dropped. I had only just trusted Logan - how was I meant to trust the rest of the people I lived with? I felt a sudden anxiety cover me, blocking me from Logan as I had to let go of his hands. I became a small ball to protect myself. Logan seemed to understand immediately and sat down again. 

"We won't - tonight. I will tomorrow for you." He smiled, stroking my cheek. His touch made my body relax. We stayed like that for a while, his arms around me, my head leaning close to him, watching the stars with minimal conversation.


	7. I guess it's not that bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil awakes and is immediately scared of what the others are planning, but he eventually trusts them.

The next day arrived quickly. Logan kissed my forehead and whispered good morning in my ear, making me smile wide. He reassured me everything was fine and then left to wake up the rest of the house. Once I got changed I walked downstairs, surprisingly being the first in the kitchen. I sat on the fridge like a lot of the pictures on my phone showed. 

Patton walked in humming but jumped when he saw me. "Kiddo! You scared me!" He giggled. I shrugged and smirked, the anxiety of being 'found out' had diminished since Logan knew. "How did you sleep?" I shrugged again, and it was silent. I reached inside the fridge for a pint of milk and drinks it straight from the bottle, leaning against the wall, looking at the slither of window to watch the rain fall outside. The rain wasn't too bothersome, it only made a small tap on the roof and the windows. "Were you tired last night? It seemed as though you forgot everything..." Patton said clearly, unsure whether he was meant to mumble it. My anxiety suddenly spiked, I shuffled slightly and took deep breaths.

"Hoodie's panicking Lo." Roman said quietly, facing away from me and looking at Logan. They must have entered at some point and were making themselves cereal, Rice Crispies and Trix. Logan was pouring his milk but stopped as soon as he heard what Roman was saying and looked up.

He gave me a sympathetic look and held out a hand. "You stuck Verge?" He laughed. I slowly got off the fridge and stood next to Logan, holding his hand. He got out some Oreo O's and shook the bag, showing how it was only half empty. I took it and poured it in the bowl, Oreo O's must be 'my cereal'.

We sat around the table and ate. It was quiet - too quiet.

Patton whispered to Janus. Janus raised an eyebrow looking over at me, looking at me up and down. I hissed quietly but that only made him giggle. Janus whispered back at Patton a bit more, for a few minutes before walking upstairs. "What is he doing?" I said under my breath, but everyone just smiled - trying to reassure me of something.

"He's just getting you a new hat." Logan said quickly, his words spilling out onto the bowl of his breakfast. Roman and Patton nodded even quicker, agreeing without hesitation. I had sus on them.

Patton was cleaning the bowls. Roman was looking through his DVDs, the stack similar to Logan's many bookshelves. Logan sat next to me, his arm around my shoulders as he stroked my upper arm. I leaned into him unsure of what was about to happen as Janus came downstairs quietly holding a dark green beanie. 

"Here." Janus smirked, standing opposite me with his arm outstretched so the beanie was right in front of my face. I grabbed it slowly until I felt a seatbelt type material along the rim and immediately flew it to the ground in fear. 

"WHAT IS IN THAT?" I screamed, turning to Logan who seemed slightly taken aback. Patton peaked through the window to the living room from the kitchen as Logan picked the beanie up again.

"It's a new design to keep the hat on your head, should I put it on for you darling?" Logan made eye contact with me with a soft gaze, but I still didn't feel right about this whole situation. "Everything's alright Stormy... This will help you." And immediately I knew what he was talking about. I raised an eyebrow and he nodded, he must have told them. "I wore it too. It's alright."

I didn't know why he wanted me to wear the beanie but it was something to do with my memory. Maybe it took me home - to where I could remember? But that meant I would leave Logan, and I'm not sure if I wanted to. The only thing I knew to do was lean in, cuddle into Logan's chest, and sigh. The rest of the house gathered, maybe saying their goodbyes, and Logan slowly fitted the beanie around my head. He kissed my forehead as the beanie buzzed, echoing in my ears so I couldn't hear anything else. Logan held me, his warmth becoming my only sensation while my vision clouded and I became sleepy. 

I assumed I was going to where I belonged. But I would sure miss having a boyfriend.


	8. Memory 1 - Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most of these 'memories' will be quite similar to those in "I am Logan Sanders", just at Virgil's point of view - but there will be new ones and all the memories will help build into what relationships were like and help solve the mystery. Hope you enjoy these!
> 
> The sides when Virgil's introduced are freshman year of high school (14ish years old) and dressed in a 90s style - if you don't know 90s style it's basically how everyone dressed in Friends. Virgil's style is early 2000s though.

Memory Uploading...

The world around me went from black, to white and then materialised around me. I brought my arms out and grabbed to the structure beside me that turned out to be the archway separating the living room and kitchen. I looked over my shoulder momentarily before seeing the scene in front of me. There stood Logan, Roman and Patton - although a lot younger - I would say they were young teenagers. They were all dressed differently too. Patton was in an almost complete light blue denim outfit - very nineties style but still wore huge glasses and a wide smile. Logan wore a dark blue waistcoat rather than a blue tie but still looked the same, just with a more youthful glow surrounding him rather than the mature stoic look I was introduced to him having. 

Roman was a lot different though. His voice seemed more snarky, although it was unsure whether that was due to an actually different voice or just pre-puberty. He also had two strands of dyed white hair at the front of his head; and instead of keeping the red colouring like the other two friends kept wearing their corresponding colour - Roman wore both green and red. There was also a growing moustache which he didn't seem to be complaining about that didn't seem to exist in the future.

I examined Logan. He seemed focused on small pieces of paper in front of him while Roman and Patton chatted. Roman dramatically fell on the sofa and announced: "I'm telling you Morality," Morality must have been referring to Patton - or maybe Morality and Patton were different people who just looked the same. "The audition was so easy! I mean it's Midsummer Night's Dream! How can we go wrong with Shakespeare of all people?" When Roman said we he pointed to solely himself, a proud smile on his face. So it was either that he and Patton were in a play together and he was taking all the responsibility for their success, or they were talking about Thomas. He assumed it was Thomas who was in the play. "And that Bottom song they made us sing - Such a simple tune - Really..." He then proceeded to sing some obviously made up song in his high pitched snarky voice causing Logan to give a side glance and groan.

"Can you be quiet? I think Thomas has an exam soon..." Logan mumbled, his voice also slightly higher than his 31 aged counterpart but also softer and somehow more melodic. It made me smirk slightly, I don't suppose we had been dating so young - or even knew each other as no-one had yet identified my presence - but he seemed perfect already.

"Exam shmaxam!" Roman rebutted, standing up and crossing his arms to face Logan as they now kept eye contact. "Who cares? We're in the school play! Look at all this..." Roman smirked mischievously and ruffled all the flashcards organised neatly on the coffee table making Logan sigh more and raise an eyebrow. "We could spend this time learning lines for our first rehearsal rather than this stupid war." He flicked the flashcards everywhere after examining them which caused Logan to glare daggers.

"Logic, Creativity - don't argue." Patton said sharply, looking at Logan then Roman. He went to Logan's flashcards and helped organise them again. "This American History exam is still important, as all of Thomas' schooling is."

"Why?" Roman whined like a small child and collapsed on the sofa again. Before I could realise what I was doing I spoke, taking a step closer but keeping my distance with the others.

"If he drops out, he can never be in any plays again - let alone Broadway."

Everyone in the room met eyes with me. First they showed fear, then surprise. My eyes met with Logan's out of instinct, the young confused face reminding me of the boyfriend I had just left to enter this world. Then I spoke again. "Anxiety." My name was anxiety? I mean that's relatable. My eyes switched from meeting Logan's to staring Roman down. "And it's time for you to shut your bloody mouth and let Thomas learn."

Roman took in a sharp breath, sitting up and still facing me but side-eyeing Patton whose face went from confusion to immediate happiness. "Oh! It's a new Side - finally!" Patton cheered, walking over. I guess that's why all of us weren't just roommates - we were Sides - it's going to take a while to get used to this new terminology. Patton immediately brought me into a hug but I flinched and stepped away. He sighed and frowned. "I'll make you a welcome cake kiddo - Can you help me Creativity?" Patton turned to Roman who awkwardly nodded and stood, making his way to the kitchen without a sound. Patton skipped after giggling - the childlike energy had not changed from the 31 year old counterpart I knew.

That left Logan and I in the same room. Seeing Logan this young was a weird sight, I couldn't get past how weird it seemed. Adult Logan held very masculine features; he had the lowest voice, broad and strong shoulders, he was tall and had a strong jaw. Yes I gathered we all had the same face, but his was somehow different. This figure in front of me was somehow unsettling, some of the masculine features were settling into him but apart from that in front of me was a child. Every feature was softer, more delicate - like he had more life in him. Instead of his figure threatening with masculinity it looked like it needed protecting before it would harden and become untouchable.

The movement of flashcards caused my body to move again towards the dark blue person in the room. "You're the famous Logic? It's nice to meet you." I said, quieter and softer than when I was speaking to Patton and Roman. Logan was Logic - I could understand why he grew to be so hard. Logic sounded strict compared to Morality and Creativity - Logan sounded gentle and friendly. Anxiety was the same I suppose, it's not every day your name and purpose in life is to cause discord in the form of a possible mental disorder. I sat next to Logan and faced him while he looked at me in confusion. "Now - Focus on your work and absorb all the information. If you do as much as move your head I'll startle you."

My voice became a chuckle at the last two words of what I said, my lips smirking for the first time since I appeared. Logan chuckled too and turned to the flashcards, working quickly but thoroughly. The world was quiet and felt peaceful, maybe this weird Side world was where I belonged? So much was for sure, Logan was my friend.


	9. Memory 2 - Self-Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil finally meets Janus - but not as he expected him.
> 
> (FYI - the Sides and Thomas are about 15/16 in these memories... I do not miss 2005 fashion)

Memory Uploading...

Memories seemed to take place in the form of snapshots. The less important parts were skipped over like showering or eating or sleeping. This made time go quicker than I could process. I started the memories in my early teens but within a few small memories learning more about Morality, Logic and Creativity and my purpose as a Side a few years had passed - and with that came college applications.

"I would have to ask everyone else about this - Florida State is close to home but UCLA has an amazing theatre programme - and that would make Thomas happy..." Logan mumbled to both himself and me as we sat on the sofa together doing Thomas' schoolwork. One thing was for sure - Logan and I were instant friends. We'd spend time working together; as in he'd work and I'd watch over to make sure he'd stay focused. We'd then relax and watch a movie or play a game soon joined my Patton and Roman.

When the memory started I expected it to be the same as any other. I listened to Logan lecture, knowing Thomas would end up at Florida State - there was memorabilia from the university hanging all around in the future timeline I lived in before. My body had other plans as my throat slowly closed up. I tried my best to ignore it but that just made it worse and I began shaking, confused what I was doing. Logan paused when he was doing and raised an eyebrow. "Anxiety?" He whispered, but apart from that he did nothing but stare at me in confusion.

I small tap of feet hitting the floor was heard as my breathing quickened. Logan flinched, still looking confused for a second. "Who are you?" Logan stood, his eyes a mix between protectiveness over me and fear either for me or the figure he was facing. "This is not the best time for a new Side - are you going to replace Anxiety?"

The new person appeared in front of me shaking his head. He kneeled down to me, revealing himself fully. His outfit was relatively simple, a large yellow blazer held together by one button in the middle covering a white shirt, a yellow and white checkered beanie and light blue jeans. "Do you know about breathing exercises?" The person whispered, giving me a sympathetic look as I shook my head. "Right... Breathe in for four seconds... Hold your breath for seven seconds... Now breathe out for eight seconds... Keep it up..."

The voice spoke extremely gently, the soft voice reassuring me as I followed his instructions. Logan stood beside still confused but smiled once I calmed and leaned on him. "Now I can adequately introduce myself." The person stood and brought out a hand to Logan and I. "Self-Care. My responsibility will be to keep the peace in Thomas' brain, nice to meet you." Logan shook the hand enthusiastically, welcoming him and offering to show Self-Care around the house. Self-Care accepted the offer and they walked away while I lingered behind; Morality was usually the one to 'keep the peace' between us and therefore in Thomas' brain. But it was no wild guess who Self-Care actually was.

Self-Care was Janus, but not exactly. Janus was very distinctive - he had snake scales covering half of his face and one of his eyes a sickly yellow colour. Self-Care had none of these, his face clear of any markings and his eyes different from the rest of ours - light blue instead of brown. Janus' outfit was also different, he mostly wore black in the future timeline I was in rather than the white and yellow colour scheme. His personality was even different, less snarky and attacking and more joyful and gentle as he encouraged me to join the two of them on a tour of the house before the memory ended.

Memory Uploading...

One memory became another quite quickly. It hadn't been that much time between the two - the only difference was that the weather had gone from a warm spring morning to a slightly darker but more aesthetically pleasing autumn day. I stood in the kitchen with a cup of tea in my hand looking to the garden watching orange and yellow leaves fall. The house was quiet apart from the hum of Disney songs from Creativity's bedroom (he had insisted on being called Creativity - and he didn't look at all like Roman anyway - so I had started calling him that even in my brain). I was alone in the kitchen until I heard quiet footsteps approach.

"Ugh - Morality is driving me around the bend now." Self-Care appeared next to me and groaned, grabbing the kettle and making some tea for himself. Looking at him was when I realised Self-Care definitely was Janus. Self-Care suddenly looked older even though it hadn't even been a year since he arrived: he was starting to get spots that looked like scales and his light blue jeans and yellow beanie had both become black. He faced me and took a large sip of tea. "You know Thomas has to attend his brother's birthday party in two days? The one in the trampoline park? Yeah - Morality is saying we should go on the trampolines! Is he trying to give you a panic attack again?" Self-Care groaned getting the sugar. "I swear he thinks he's always right."

"Wow - you two do not get on do you?" My voice mumbled while I stirred my tea for something to do. "I swear every conversation you have ends in a disagreement."

"He just won't listen to anyone else." Self-Care sighed as we both sat down on the table. "I don't think he treats Thomas like an individual you see - I think he takes the whole 'right and wrong' thing too far and influences Thomas to do what he thinks he should do rather than looking at Thomas' surroundings and his own mental state." Self-Care whispered to me as if he was uncovering some kind of evil plan. I just nodded and drank my tea.

"If Logic was here he'd cite some ridiculous psychology theory - stating this is Thomas' inner turmoil into adulthood or something..." I laughed at my own joke but Self-Care sighed.

"That's the thing - I feel like Morality won't change until I do something drastic. Sometimes I feel like I should just change my name and run away in order to fulfil what I want from Thomas independently without any interference." 

We both giggled a little at that idea. After all I knew it wasn't true with my future insight, sure he was a little more moody in the future but it's not like he ever just left the group and became invisible to Thomas. He even seemed to have reconciled with Patton slightly in the future, he was still sassy to him but he seemed sassy to everyone. There was nothing to worry about.

Everything about this situation was fine - nothing bad would happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realise how British the second memory is - please tell me I don't have to explain kettles to Americans. Even if kettles don't exist in the States (which I heard they don't) just pretend they do because Sanders Sides is set in Florida (as Thomas lives there and actually went to Florida State University I believe) and I can't comprehend how you make tea without a kettle.
> 
> Sorry this was even longer than the other chapters - I just wanted a full chapter explaining Light Side Janus and exploring his character as I didn't have the chance to much in 'I am Logan Sanders'.
> 
> Also notice how the breathing exercise Janus teaches Virgil in the first memory is quote by quote the exact same Virgil says in Accepting Anxiety - I may ship platonic Anxceit a little.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Hiatus - Being Rewritten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a reason why I've been so distracted by other books!

A/N

Hey, you might wonder why I haven't updated this in a while and have been writing other books. 

That's because - to be honest - I think the pacing of this is a bit off. I want it to have the same number of chapters as I am Logan Sanders (around 20 chapters) and with the way it's already being written I'm almost done with the 'memories'.

I do already have an ending, I just have to figure out how to get to that ending in the most entertaining way possible.

But if you like my writing here are the books I have that are complete/will be complete (will be edited as more books come - 17/1/2021):

Prequel - I am Logan Sanders - Complete  
Out of Mind, By Your Side - Complete but old so...  
Family Is What You Make It - Complete  
Love Isn't Conditional - Already completely written, just being published once a week on Wednesdays (2 chapters out already)


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